Mediation Facilitator Script Restorative Script
Facilitator Guide for Peer Mediation
1
Set the Frame (2-3 mins)
What you say:
"We're not here to decide who is right or wrong. We're here to understand what showed up between you and how each of you responded."
Action: Write on the board: "The person is not the problem. The problem is the problem."
2
Externalize the Problem
Ground Rules
• Speak for yourself
• No interrupting
• I'll reflect back what I hear
Core Questions
• "What happened?"
• "What part did you play?"
The Naming Prompt:
"If we talked about this problem like it had its own name, what would we call it?"
Examples: The Miscommunication, The Rumor Spiral, The Group Text Blow-Up.
3
Mapping the Effects
Internal Effects
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to thinking?"
External Effects
"What did it get you to do?"
"How has it affected others?"
4
Double Listening (The Counter-Story)
Listen for resistance to the conflict. What prevented it from being worse?
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
5
Address the Harm
"What would need to happen to make this situation right and fair?"
Who will do what?
When and where?
How will we know it's done?
6
Closing Reflection
"If someone asked what you learned from this, what would you say?"
Mediation Agreement Form Mediation Agreement
Turning conflict into responsibility and repair.
Date:
Student Name
Student Name
The Problem Name
What did we decide to call the conflict that showed up?
The Repair Plan
To make things right and fair, we agree to the following steps:
What will happen?
Who?
By When?
Preferred Identity Commitment
Student 1 Statement
The kind of person I want to be in the future is...
Student 2 Statement
The kind of person I want to be in the future is...
Student Signature
Student Signature
Facilitated by School Counseling Office • Grounded in Restorative Practices
Mediation Guide Ultra High Vis Slides Restorative
Mediation
Counselor Facilitator Guide
Philosophy
The person is NOT the problem.
Listen for the "BEST SELF".
REPAIR over punishment.
Step 1
"We're here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The problem is the problem."
Ground Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
Step 2
Name the Problem
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Names
The Rumor Spiral
The Text Blow-Up
The Pressure
Step 3: Map It
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to do?
Step 4
The Counter-Story
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Core Quest
"What kind of person are you trying to be?"
Step 5
Repair
"What would make this right and fair?"
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
Closure
"What did you learn from this?"
Restorative Practice
Mediation Guide Slides Standard Vis Restorative Mediation
A Narrative Approach to Peer Conflict
SESSION GUIDE FOR COUNSELORS
Core Philosophy
Externalize: The person is not the problem; the problem is the problem.
Agency: Students are the experts in their own lives and solutions.
Double Listening: Hear both the story of pain and the story of resistance.
Repair: Focus on responsibility and restitution over punishment.
Step One
Set the Frame
Goal: Reduce defensiveness and shift from blame to curiosity.
“We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong. We’re here to understand what showed up between you.”
Write: "The person is not the problem."
Step Two
Safe Foundations
Speak for Yourself
Use "I" statements to share your experience.
No Interrupting
Everyone gets full space to be heard.
Reflection
I will check back to ensure I understand you.
Name the "Problem"
Separate the student from the conflict.
The Key Question:
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Examples of "Names"
The Rumor Spiral
Group Text Blow-Up
Pressure to Impress
The Miscommunication
Step Three
Map the Effects
1
How did the problem get you to feel ?
2
What did it get you to do or think ?
3
How did it affect your friendship ?
Step Four
Double Listening
Listen for the Counter-Story.
Identify gaps and resistance:
Moments they almost did something different.
What stopped it from getting even worse?
Name the Value
Connecting actions to intentions.
Listen for...
Fairness
Loyalty
Respect
Core Question:
"What does that tell me about what kind of person you're trying to be?"
Step Five
Addressing Harm
Mediation Facilitator Script High Vis Mediation Script
Counselor Real-Time Guide
1
Set the Frame (2-3 MINS)
Counselor Prompt:
"We're not here to decide who is right or wrong. We're here to understand what showed up between you and how each of you responded."
Write on board: "The person is not the problem."
2
Name the Problem
Ground Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
I reflect to check
Initial Inquiry
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
The Externalizing Prompt:
"If we talked about this problem like it had its own name, what would we call it?"
3
Map Effects
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to think or do?"
4
Find Gaps
Double Listening
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
5
Repair & Identity
"What would make this right and fair?"
Agreement: Who? What? When? Where?
"What kind of person do you want to be?"
6
"If someone asked what you learned from this, what would you say?"
Mediation Guide Slides Standard Vis Updated Restorative Mediation
A Narrative Approach to Peer Conflict
SESSION GUIDE FOR COUNSELORS
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listening prevents conflict-saturated identities
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves forward
Repair replaces punishment with responsibility
Step One
Set the Frame
Goal: Reduce defensiveness and shift from blame to curiosity.
“We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong. We’re here to understand what showed up between you.”
Write: "The person is not the problem."
Step Two
Safe Foundations
Speak for Yourself
Use "I" statements to share your experience.
No Interrupting
Everyone gets full space to be heard.
Reflection
I will check back to ensure I understand you.
Name the "Problem"
Separate the student from the conflict.
The Key Question:
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Examples of "Names"
The Rumor Spiral
Group Text Blow-Up
Pressure to Impress
The Miscommunication
Step Three
Map the Effects
1
How did the problem get you to feel ?
2
What did it get you to do or think ?
3
How did it affect your friendship ?
Step Four
Double Listening
Listen for the Counter-Story.
Identify gaps and resistance:
Moments they almost did something different.
What stopped it from getting even worse?
Name the Value
Connecting actions to intentions.
Listen for...
Fairness
Loyalty
Respect
Core Question:
"What does that tell me about what kind of person you're trying to be?"
Step Five
Addressing Harm
Move from shame to responsibility.
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
Mediation Facilitator Flip Cards Mediation
Flip Cards
Facilitator Reference
Core Logic
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listen prevents conflict identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
STEP 1
Set the Frame
"We're here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The problem is the problem."
Ground Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
STEP 2
Name the Problem
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Examples: Rumor Spiral, Text Blow-Up, Pressure.
STEP 3
Map Effects
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to do?
STEP 4
Counter-Story
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Listen for: Fairness, Loyalty, Respect.
Intentions
"What kind of person are you trying to be?"
STEP 5
Address Harm
"What would make this right and fair?"
Who? What? When?
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
Closure
"What did you learn from this?"
Restorative Agency
Mediation Facilitator Flip Cards Updated 01 / 11
Mediation
Flip Cards
Facilitator Reference
02 / 11
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listen prevents conflict identities
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
Repair replaces punishment with responsibility
03 / 11
STEP 1
Set the Frame
"We're here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The problem is the problem."
04 / 11
Ground Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
05 / 11
STEP 2
Name the Problem
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Examples: Rumor Spiral, Text Blow-Up, Pressure.
06 / 11
STEP 3
Map Effects
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to do?
07 / 11
STEP 4
Counter-Story
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Listen for: Fairness, Loyalty, Respect.
08 / 11
Intentions
"What kind of person are you trying to be?"
09 / 11
STEP 5
Address Harm
"What would make this right and fair?"
Who? What? When?
10 / 11
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
11 / 11
Closure
"What did you learn from this?"
Restorative Agency
Mediation Facilitator Flip Cards Updated 01 / 11
Mediation
Flip Cards
Facilitator Reference
02 / 11
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listen prevents conflict identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
03 / 11
Step 1
Set the Frame
"We're here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The problem is the problem."
04 / 11
Step 2
Ground Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
05 / 11
Name the Problem
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Rumor Spiral • Text Blow-Up • Pressure
06 / 11
Step 3
Map Effects
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to do?
07 / 11
Step 4
Counter-Story
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Listen for: Fairness, Loyalty, Respect
08 / 11
Intentions
"What kind of person are you trying to be?"
09 / 11
Step 5
Address Harm
"What would make this right and fair?"
Who? What? When?
10 / 11
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
11 / 11
Closure
"What did you learn from this?"
Restorative Practice
Mediation Cards Ultra Balanced 01
Mediation
Cards
Flip-Through Guide
02
Core Philosophy
Externalize: The person is not the problem.
Double Listening: Find the best self.
03
Core Philosophy
Agency: Students are the experts.
Repair: Responsibility over punishment.
04
Step 1: The Frame
"We're here to understand what showed up between you."
05
Step 1 Action
Write on Board:
"The Problem is the Problem"
06
Step 2: Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
07
Step 2 Question
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
08
Step 3: Mapping
"How did it get you to feel?"
09
Step 3: Mapping
"What did it get you to do?"
10
Step 4: Discovery
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
11
Step 4: Best Self
"What kind of person are you trying to be?"
12
Step 5: Repair
"What would make this right and fair?"
13
Preferred Identity
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
14
Closure
"What did you learn?"
Mediation Cards Final Balanced 01 / 11
Mediation
Flip Cards
Facilitator Reference
02 / 11
Core Logic
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listening prevents conflict identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
Repair over punishment
03 / 11
Step 1: Set the Frame
"We're here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The Problem is the Problem"
04 / 11
Step 2: Rules
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
05 / 11
Step 2: Externalize
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
06 / 11
Step 3: Mapping
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to do?"
07 / 11
Step 4: Discovery
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
08 / 11
Step 4: Intentions
"What kind of person are you trying to be?"
09 / 11
Step 5: Repair
"What would make this right and fair?"
Who? What? When?
10 / 11
Preferred Identity
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
11 / 11
Step 6: Closure
"What did you learn from this?"
Restorative Practice
Mediation Cards Final High Vis Set Card 01 / 13
Restorative
Mediation
Facilitator Guide
Card 02 / 13
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Prevents conflict-saturated identities
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves forward
Repair replaces punishment with responsibility
Card 03 / 13
Step 1: Set the Frame
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The person is not the problem. The problem is the problem."
Card 04 / 13
Step 2: Foundations
Rules: Speak for yourself • No interrupting • I reflect back
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
Card 05 / 13
Step 2: Externalize
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
e.g. Rumor Spiral • Group Text Blow-Up • Pressure
Card 06 / 13
Step 3: Map Effects
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to thinking?"
"What did it get you to do?"
Card 07 / 13
Step 3: Social Effects
"How did it affect the way you are with each other?"
"How have other people been affected?"
Card 08 / 13
Step 4: Discovery
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Card 09 / 13
Step 4: Intentions
"What does that tell me about what kind of person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
Card 10 / 13
Step 5: Address Harm
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
"How could we make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
Card 11 / 13
Step 5: Specifics
Who? What? When? Where?
"How will we know it is done?"
Card 12 / 13
Preferred Identity
"What kind of person do you want to be in situations like this?"
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
Card 13 / 13
Step 6: Closure
Mediation Cards Final High Vis Set Complete Card 01
Mediation
Cards
Facilitator Flip-Book
Card 02
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listen prevents conflict identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
Repair replaces punishment
Card 03
Step 1: The Frame
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The person is not the problem."
Card 04
Step 2: Foundations
Rules
• Speak for yourself
• No interrupting
• I'll reflect back
Questions
• "What happened?"
• "What part did you play?"
Card 05
Step 2: Externalize
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Rumor Spiral • Text Blow-Up • Pressure
Card 06
Step 3: Map Effects
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to think?
What did it get you to do?
Card 07
Step 3: Relationships
"How did it affect the way you are with each other?"
"How have other people been affected?"
Card 08
Step 4: Resistance
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Card 09
Step 4: Best Self
"What does that tell me about the kind of person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
Card 10
Step 5: Address Harm
"What would make this right and fair?"
"How could we make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
Card 11
Step 5: Specifics
Who? What? When? Where?
"How will we know it is done?"
Card 12
Step 5: Agency
"What kind of person do you want to be in situations like this?"
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
Card 13
Step 6: Closure
"If someone asked what you learned from this, what would you say?"
Mediation Cards Final High Vis Set Complete 01 / 13
Restorative
Mediation
Facilitator Guide
02 / 13
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Prevents conflict-saturated identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
Repair replaces punishment
03 / 13
Step 1: Set the Frame
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The person is not the problem."
04 / 13
Step 2: Start
Ground Rules:
Speak for yourself • No interrupting • I reflect back
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
05 / 13
Step 2: Name it
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Spiral • Blow-Up • Pressure
06 / 13
Step 3: Effects
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to think?"
"What did it get you to do?"
07 / 13
Step 3: Relationships
"How did it affect the way you are with each other?"
"How have other people been affected?"
08 / 13
Step 4: Discovery
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
09 / 13
Step 4: Values
"What does that tell me about the person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
10 / 13
Step 5: Repair
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
"How could we make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
11 / 13
Step 5: Specifics
Who? What? When? Where?
"How will we know it is done?"
12 / 13
Step 5: Identity
"What kind of person do you want to be in this situation?"
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
13 / 13
Step 6: Closure
"If someone asked what you learned, what would you say?"
Mediation Cards Final High Vis Set Complete 01 / 13
Restorative
Mediation
Facilitator Guide
02 / 13
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Prevents conflict-saturated identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
Repair replaces punishment
03 / 13
Step 1: Set the Frame
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you."
Write: "The person is not the problem."
04 / 13
Step 2: Start
Ground Rules:
Speak for yourself • No interrupting • I reflect back
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
05 / 13
Step 2: Name it
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
Spiral • Blow-Up • Pressure
06 / 13
Step 3: Effects
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to think?
What did it get you to do?
07 / 13
Step 3: Relationships
"How did it affect the way you are with each other?"
"How have other people been affected?"
08 / 13
Step 4: Discovery
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
09 / 13
Step 4: Values
"What does that tell me about the person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
10 / 13
Step 5: Repair
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
"How could we make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
11 / 13
Step 5: Specifics
Who? What? When? Where?
"How will we know it is done?"
12 / 13
Step 5: Identity
"What kind of person do you want to be in this situation?"
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
13 / 13
Step 6: Closure
"If someone asked what you learned, what would you say?"
Mediation Cards Final High Vis Set Complete Card 01
Restorative
Mediation
Facilitator Guide
Card 02
Core Logic
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listening prevents conflict identities
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves forward
Repair replaces punishment with responsibility
Card 03
Step 1: Set the Frame
Goal: Reduce defensiveness
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you and how each of you responded."
Card 04
Step 1 Action
Write on the board:
"The person is not the problem.
Card 05
Step 2: Externalize
Ground Rules:
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
I’ll reflect back what I hear
Card 06
Step 2: Questions
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
Card 07
Step 2: The Name
"If we talked about this problem like it had its own name, what would we call it?"
Rumor Spiral • Blow-Up • Pressure
Card 08
Step 3: Effects
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to do?"
"What did it get you to thinking?"
Card 09
Step 3: Reach
"How did it affect the way you are with each other?"
"How have other people been affected?"
Card 10
Step 4: Discovery
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
Card 11
Step 4: Intentions
"What does that tell me about the person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
Card 12
Step 5: Addressing Harm
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
"How could we make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
Card 13
Who? What? When? Where?
"How will we know it is done?"
"What kind of person do you want to be?"
Mediation Cards Final High Vis Set Complete Restorative
Mediation
Facilitator Guide
CARD 01
02 / 16
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listening prevents conflict identities
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves forward
Repair replaces punishment with responsibility
03 / 16
Step 1: Set the Frame
What you say:
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
04 / 16
Step 1 Continued
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you and how each of you responded."
05 / 16
Step 1 Action
Write on the board:
"The person is not the problem.
06 / 16
Step 2: Externalize
Ground Rules:
Speak for yourself
No interrupting
I’ll reflect back to understand
07 / 16
Step 2 Questions
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
08 / 16
Step 2 Prompt
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
spiral • blow-up • pressure • misunderstanding
09 / 16
Step 3: Map Effects
"How did it get you to feel?"
"What did it get you to thinking?"
"What did it get you to do?"
10 / 16
Step 3: Relationship
"How did it affect the way you are with each other?"
11 / 16
Step 3: Reach
"How have other people been affected?"
12 / 16
Step 4: Gaps
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment when you almost did something different?"
13 / 16
Step 4: Values
"What does that tell me about the kind of person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
14 / 16
Step 5: Address Harm
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
"How could we make sure this doesn’t happen again?"
15 / 16
Mediation Cards Definitive High Vis Set Restorative
Mediation
Facilitator Cards
01 / 14
02 / 14
Core Philosophy
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listening prevents conflict identity
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves
Repair over punishment
03 / 14
Step 1: Set Frame
"We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong."
"We’re here to understand what showed up between you."
04 / 14
Action
Write on the board:
"The person is not the problem."
05 / 14
Step 2: Externalize
Ground Rules:
Speak for yourself • No interrupting • I reflect back
"What happened?"
"What part did you play?"
06 / 14
Step 2: Naming
"If this problem had its own name, what would we call it?"
07 / 14
Examples
The Rumor Spiral
Group Text Blow-Up
Pressure to Impress
Miscommunication
08 / 14
Step 3: Map It
How did it get you to feel?
What did it get you to thinking?
09 / 14
Step 3 Continued
What did it get you to do?
How did it affect the way you are with each other?
10 / 14
Step 4: Discovery
"What stopped this from getting worse?"
"Was there a moment you almost did something different?"
11 / 14
Intentions
"What does that tell me about the person you’re trying to be?"
Fairness • Loyalty • Respect
12 / 14
Step 5: Repair
"What would make this situation right and fair?"
Who? What? When? Where?
13 / 14
Agency
"What kind of person do you want to be in these situations?"
"What would THAT version of you do next time?"
14 / 14
Step 6
"If someone asked what you learned, what would you say?"
