Restorative Chat Cheat Sheet
Restorative Chat Cheat Sheet
CA TK–5 MTSS
Trauma-Informed 5-Step Dialogue Guide for Elementary Educators
Restorative Practices California SEL Aligned
Ground Rules:
Regulate first: Both calm
Side-by-side: Eye level
Curiosity: Not judging
Focus on harm: Not rules
The 5-Step Restorative Dialogue Flow
Target time: 3–5 minutes
1
Check In & Open Safe Space
Goal: Lower defenses & establish safety
TK–2 Starter: "I see you're having big feelings. Let's take a deep breath together. You are safe with me."
Grades 3–5 Starter: "I care about you and want to understand your side. We're here to figure this out together."
2
Explore Perspectives ("What Happened?")
Goal: Understand the story & internal state
Opening Prompts: "What was happening right before this started?"
"What were you thinking or feeling at that moment?"
Deeper Insight: "What was the hardest part about that for you?"
"Help me understand what you needed then."
3
Identify the Impact on Others
Goal: Foster empathy & perspective-taking
Empathy Scaffold: "Who do you think was affected or upset by what occurred?"
"How do you think [Name] felt when that happened?"
Community Lens: "How did this affect our class team?"
"Is this the outcome you were hoping for?"
4
Collaborate to Repair the Harm
Goal: Empower student ownership of solutions
Action Prompts: "What can you do to help make things right with [Name]?"
"What do you need from me or our class right now?"
Repair Ideas Menu: Sincere spoken/drawn apology, fixing damaged item, sharing turn, or agreeing on personal space.
5
Plan Ahead & Reconnect
Goal: Skill replacement & restored belonging
Next Time Plan: "If you start feeling that way again, what can you do instead?"
"What signal can you give me if you need a quick calm-down break?"
Affirmation & Reconnection: "Thank you for working through this. You belong here, and I'm glad you're in our room."
Language Shifts: Avoid Interrogation
| Instead of: | Say This Instead: |
|---|
| "Why did you do that?" | "What was happening right then?" |
| "Say you're sorry now." | "How can we help them feel better?" |
| "You know our rules!" | "What did we agree to do together?" |
| "Go sit out." | "Let's reset so you can rejoin us." |
Developmental Tweaks (TK–5)
- TK–1st: Visual feeling charts, thumbs gauge. 2 concrete choices ("Draw picture or give high five?").
- 2nd–3rd: Separate feelings from behaviors ("You felt mad, but hitting isn't safe").
- 4th–5th: Support peer-to-peer mediation; focus on repair & underlying social triggers.
Affective Statement Formula: "I felt [feeling] when [action] happened because I need [need]."
California MTSS & Social-Emotional Learning Framework • Restorative Practices Tier 1–2
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