Gentle Harbor Facilitator Guide Clinical Facilitator Guide Participant: Julia • Format: 3-Session Sequence
Grief, Milestones & Life After Loss
Instructional pacing, accessibility protocols, and clinical communication strategies for working through the loss of a parent.
Clinical North Star
The goal is not to eliminate Julia's grief or demand "closure." The objective is to help Julia recognize, validate, communicate, tolerate, and cope with grief while maintaining meaningful engagement in celebrations and daily life.
Essential Accommodations for Cerebral Palsy & AAC
Generous Wait Time (15s+)
Allow at least 15–20 seconds of uninterrupted silence after questions for motor speech planning or high-tech AAC navigation. Do not interrupt or fill the pause.
Low Motor Demand
Writing with a pencil is not required. Accept pointing, eye-gaze selection, partner-assisted scanning, verbal yes/no confirmation, or facilitator-scribed notes.
Motor Fatigue Awareness
Physical effort and emotional vulnerability compound fatigue. Watch for postural slumping, dysarthria changes, or increased muscle tone as indicators for a pacing break.
Radical Safety & Autonomy
Julia maintains complete control over the topics. Establish a clear "Pause / Pass" signal at the start of every session so she can pause or redirect without penalty.
3-Session Instructional Architecture
Session 1 (40m)
Waves of Grief & The Birthday Story
Safety parameters • 0–10 Feelings Scale • Non-linear grief waves • Chronological processing of Julia's first birthday without her dad • Dual emotions (happy & sad together).
Session 2 (40m)
Signals, Voice & Coping Toolkit
Emotions as informative signals • Identifying hidden needs • 3-step communication formula ("I feel / I need / Can you") • Multi-category coping menu • Top 5 strategy rating matrix.
Session 3 (40m)
Carrying Dad Forward & Personal Plan
Support circles mapping • Future milestone game-planning (Before / During / After) • Memorial reflections ("What Dad gave me") • Finalizing Julia's Personal Grief Coping Plan.
Gentle Harbor Sequence • Facilitator Implementation Guide Page 1 of 2
Verbal & Non-Verbal Guidance Trauma-Informed Practice
Facilitator Phrasing & Response Guidelines
Communication Language Compass
Say This (Validating & Grounding)
• "That makes total sense that your birthday felt so complicated and heavy."
• "You can laugh, enjoy cake, and deeply miss your dad all at the same time."
• "There is no deadline or finish line for missing someone you love."
• "Take all the time you need. I'm right here listening."
• "Would you like to point to an option, type on your device, or have me read choices?"
Avoid This (Invalidating or Pressuring)
× "You need to move on and be strong for your family."
× "Everything happens for a reason."
× "At least you had wonderful years together."
× "Try not to think sad thoughts on your special day."
× Finishing her sentences or guessing words while she is typing.
Regulation Break Protocol
If Julia indicates a score ≥ 7 on the 0–10 scale, or requests a pause:
Pause all questioning immediately.
Offer physical comfort (temperature adjustment, head rest, water).
Practice 3 gentle, low-effort breaths together.
Check: "Do you want to stay quiet, talk about something fun, or stop for today?"
Assisted Selection Protocol
When using worksheet choice matrices:
Point to each option slowly while reading aloud.
Julia indicates affirmation via eye gaze, head nod, thumbs-up, or vocal sound.
Confirm: "You chose [Option]. Is that right?"
Mark her selection directly on the sheet so she sees her voice honored.
Post-Session Debrief Checklist
Noted Julia's 0–10 shift
Identified top 2-3 coping tools
Stored student handouts safely
Gentle Harbor Sequence • Facilitator Implementation Guide Page 2 of 2
Waves of Grief Slides Session 1 • Safe Space
Gentle Harbor
Waves of Grief
Understanding feelings, milestones, and your first birthday without your dad.
🛑 You Have Control
You can say "pause" or take a quiet break at any second.
💬 Any Way You Talk
Use your device, point, nod, or let us read choices aloud.
❤️ No Wrong Feelings
Sad, mad, silly, or quiet—all of your feelings are welcome here.
Check-In
How are you feeling right now?
Point, nod, or tap your device
😊 Happy
😢 Sad
😡 Angry
😟 Worried
😌 Calm
😔 Lonely
😣 Overwhelmed
🤷 Not Sure
💡 Remember: You can feel more than one emotion right now! Take all the time you need
Feelings Scale
Where are you on the scale?
0 means completely okay • 10 means big, overwhelming feelings
0 Okay
1
2
3
4
5 Medium
6
7
8
9
10 Too Big
"What would help bring that number down by just 1 point?"
🍵 Water 🧸 Blanket ⏸️ Pause
Understanding Grief
What is Grief?
Grief is what happens when someone we love deeply is gone.
🧠
In Your Mind
Trouble focusing, thinking about memories, feeling confused, or replaying moments.
Normal reaction
🫀
In Your Body
Tight chest, heavy shoulders, tired muscles, knots in your stomach, or tearful eyes.
Normal reaction
🌪️
In Your Heart
Missing him, feeling lonely, wishing things were different, or wanting quiet space.
Normal reaction
Your whole body is learning how to adjust to a big change.
The Big Truth
Grief Moves Like a Wave
Grief does not shrink in a straight, tidy line.
☀️ Good Day Smiling & calm
🌊 Big Wave Birthday / song
🌤️ Better Day Steady & okay
🌧️ Sneak Attack Sudden sadness
🌈 Gentle Day Carrying on
"Having a hard day does NOT mean you are going backward."
Freedom to Feel
Feelings and Birthday Handout Student Handout • Session 1
Feelings Check-In & Grief Waves
Name: Julia
Date:
Point, touch, or circle the answers that match how you feel today. There are no wrong answers.
Step 1: How are you feeling right now? (Choose 1 or more) Point or circle
😊 Happy
😢 Sad
😡 Angry
😟 Worried
😞 Disappointed
😔 Lonely
😕 Confused
😣 Frustrated
❤️ Loved
😌 Calm
😐 Numb
🤷 Not Sure
Step 2: Feelings Scale (0 = Okay, 10 = Overwhelming) Circle Julia's number
0 Okay
1
2
3
4
5 Med
6
7
8
9
10 Big
What would help bring that number down by 1 point?
Quiet space A hug Music / Break
Step 3: Where do you feel grief in your body?
🧠 Mind / Head Racing thoughts, headache
🫀 Chest / Heart Heavy feeling, tight chest
🫃 Stomach Knots, loss of appetite
🗣️ Throat Lump in throat, hard to talk
💪 Shoulders / Arms Tense, tired muscles
💤 Whole Body Heavy exhaustion, low energy
Feelings and Birthday Handout • Session 1 Page 1 of 2
Milestone Processing
My First Birthday Without Dad
Low-Motor Selection Format
Look at each part of your birthday. Mark or point to the boxes that fit what you felt.
1 Before my birthday, I was:
Looking forward to celebrating Worried it wouldn't feel the same Thinking a lot about Dad Hiding my feelings from others
2 During the birthday, the hardest part was:
Feeling like I had to smile and act happy Wishing people talked about Dad Missing his hug, voice, or presence Too much noise and feeling overwhelmed
3 After the celebration ended, what helped me most was:
Having quiet time alone in my room Talking to someone I trust Letting myself cry without holding it back Listening to music or watching a comfort show
Both Can Be True Check-In
Julia gave herself permission for both feelings:
"I had fun parts of my birthday and enjoyed being with people."
"AND I still missed my dad with all my heart."
Julia's Autonomy Choice: [ ] I want to pause or pass on this topic for now
Feelings and Birthday Handout • Session 1 Page 2 of 2
Signals and Voice Slides Session 2 • Communication & Skills
Gentle Harbor
Signals & Voice
Discovering what your emotions are telling you, speaking your needs, and building your personal coping toolbox.
🚦 Emotions = Signals
They are clues about what your heart and body need.
🗣️ Your Voice Matters
People cannot guess what you need unless you tell them.
🧰 Coping Tools
Ways to steady yourself when feelings get heavy.
Mindset Shift
Emotions Are Not "Good" or "Bad"
Emotions are messengers delivering important information.
🚨
Like a Dashboard Light
When a car's fuel light turns on, the car isn't "bad." It is just telling you: "Hey, I need gas!"
📬
Like Special Delivery Mail
Emotions drop off letters from your heart. When you read the message, you find out what you need.
When an emotion arrives, ask: "What is this feeling asking for?"
The Signal Decoder
Decoding Your Feelings
What might each emotion be asking for?
😢
Sadness
"I miss someone."
Needs: Comfort & tears
😡
Anger
"This feels unfair."
Needs: Space & honesty
😣
Overwhelmed
"Too much noise."
Needs: Quiet & pause
😔
Lonely
"I feel alone."
Needs: Connection
"Which emotion was the strongest on your birthday?"
Your Communication Toolkit
The 3-Step Need Formula
A simple way to share your needs with others.
1
Name the feeling
"I feel..."
Sad, overwhelmed, tired, or quiet.
2
Name the reason
"Because..."
I miss Dad; it is loud; I need a minute.
3
Name the ask
"Can you..."
Sit with me; give me space; hug me.
"I feel sad because I miss Dad. Can you sit with me for a few minutes?"
Ready-Made Scripts
Practice Scripts for Difficult Days
You can tap or point to these anytime.
🛑
When Overwhelmed
"I'm having a hard day and need some quiet time alone in my room."
Voice and Coping Worksheet Student Worksheet • Session 2
Signals, Needs & My Voice
Name: Julia
Date:
Emotions are clues. Circle or point to the need behind each emotion, then build your voice scripts.
Step 1: What is the emotion trying to tell you?
😢 When I feel Sad:
I miss Dad and need comfort I want everyone to ignore me
😡 When I feel Angry:
Something feels unfair & I need space I want more noise and excitement
😣 When I feel Overwhelmed:
Too much is happening & I need quiet I am ready to run a marathon
😔 When I feel Lonely:
I need a safe person to be near me I want to be locked away
Step 2: The 3-Step Formula • Build Julia's Voice Strip
Select one item in each column to build a clear message you can use anytime:
1. "I feel..."
Sad Overwhelmed Angry / Unfair Really tired
2. "Because..."
I miss Dad Too much noise Today is heavy I need a break
3. "Can you..."
Sit with me? Give me space? Talk about Dad? Give me a hug?
Practice: If Julia could rewind to her birthday, she would say:
"I feel ________________ because ________________. Can you please ________________?"
Voice and Coping Worksheet • Session 2 Page 1 of 2
Coping Exploration
My Coping Skills Rating Matrix
Rating: 1 = Nope • 4 = Helps a lot!
Point to or circle your score (1, 2, 3, or 4) for each coping idea. We will find your favorites.
🧘♀️
Slow Breathing / Quiet Rest Taking slow breaths in a dim, calm room
1 2 3 4
🧸
Comfort Item or Weighted Blanket Soft sensory pillow, fleece blanket, or jacket
1 2 3 4
💧
Crying Freely Without Hiding Letting tears come out without feeling embarrassed
1 2 3 4
🗣️
Talking to a Safe Person or Therapist Sharing honest thoughts without pretending to be okay
1 2 3 4
🎬
Favorite Movie, TV Show, or Music Resting attention on something fun and familiar
1 2 3 4
📸
Looking at Photos of Dad Looking at happy pictures and smiling at memories
1 2 3 4
🎶
Dad's Favorite Music or Meal Eating a food he loved or listening to his tunes
1 2 3 4
Julia's Top 3 Coping Choices (Rated 4)
1. __________________
Carrying Dad Slides Session 3 • Future & Memory
Gentle Harbor
Carrying Dad Forward
Building your support team, planning for future holidays, and making Dad part of your story forever.
⭕ Support Circles
Knowing exactly who to reach out to when feelings get heavy.
🗓️ Milestone Plans
How to handle birthdays, Father's Day, and holidays with care.
🕊️ Dad's Legacy
Carrying his love, lessons, and memories wherever you go.
Your Team
Three Circles of Support
Different people help in different ways.
1
Circle 1: Anytime
Closest People
People you can text, call, or sit with anytime—even in pajamas without having to explain anything.
e.g., Mom, best friend
2
Circle 2: Extra Help
Extended Support
Relatives, favorite teachers, or neighbors who step in when you need extra comfort or a change of scenery.
e.g., Aunt, mentor, aide
3
Circle 3: Professional
Therapy & Counselors
A safe, neutral space with people trained to help you sort through big feelings without feeling judged.
e.g., Grief counselor, therapist
Therapy is not for when you are "broken." It is a safe gym for your emotional heart.
Milestone Strategy
Planning Ahead for Big Days
Father's Day • Holidays • Birthdays • Anniversaries
BEFORE THE DAY
Prep & Decide
• Tell a safe person how you feel
• Choose 1 coping tool to bring
• Decide: talk about Dad or quiet?
DURING THE DAY
Listen & Pause
• Take a break whenever you want
• Step outside or into quiet room
• Use your 3-step voice script
AFTER THE DAY
Reflect & Rest
• Let tears out if you held them
• Talk with a safe person
• Celebrate making it through!
"You do not have to stop celebrating just because someone you love died."
Enduring Love
Carrying Dad With Me
Moving forward is NOT leaving Dad behind.
💡
His Lessons
Advice and wisdom he shared with you.
😄
His Laugh
Funny memories and inside jokes you shared.
Personal Grief Plan Handout Personal Plan • Part 1
My Support Circles
Name: Julia
Date:
Different people give us different kinds of support. Who is on your team?
1 Circle 1: Anytime People (Closest Comfort)
No pretending needed
People I can be with when I am crying, quiet, or angry:
1. __________________
2. __________________
3. __________________
2 Circle 2: Extra Support (Family & School Friends)
Help when days get hard
Relatives, favorite teachers, aides, or neighbors who step in:
1. __________________
2. __________________
3. __________________
3 Circle 3: Professional Supports & Therapy
Trained safe space
Grief counselor, therapist, doctor, or chaplain:
1. __________________
2. __________________
3. __________________
What makes therapy and support feel safe for Julia?
A quiet room with gentle lighting Plenty of time to use my communication device Being able to say "pause" or "pass" anytime Someone who listens without telling me to cheer up
Personal Grief Plan Handout • Session 3 Page 1 of 3
My Emergency & Milestone Roadmap
Julia's Personal Grief Coping Plan
Keep Handy
When feelings get big or celebrations get tough, follow this personal roadmap.
1. Clues that I am having a hard grief day:
Tight chest or throat tightness Feeling quiet or wanting to hide away Getting frustrated easily with noise Tears wanting to come out
2. Things that help me calm down and feel safe:
Weighted blanket or warm sweater Slow breathing in a quiet room Listening to calming music Having a safe person sit quietly with me
3. My Ready-to-Use Voice Cards (Point, Tap, or Speak):
💬 "I'm having a hard day."
💬 "I need someone to listen."
💬 "I need some quiet space."
💬 "I want to talk about Dad."
💬 "I don't want to talk right now, but please stay nearby."
💬 "Can I have a break for 15 minutes?"
4. One thing I will try during the next holiday or celebration:
I will tell __________________ how I'm feeling and bring my __________________.
Personal Grief Plan Handout • Session 3 Page 2 of 3
Answer-Free Memory Keepsake
My Dad Is Still Part of My Story
🕊️
Moving forward does not mean leaving Dad behind. Here are treasures of his that stay with you forever.
Big Days Social Story Illustrated Social Story • Part 1
Big Days and My Dad
A Story for Julia
Read aloud together, use touch pointing, or follow along with your communication device.
🎂
1. Special Days Happen
There are many special days on the calendar, like my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Father's Day. Normally, these are days when people gather to celebrate, eat good food, and share gifts.
🕊️
2. Someone Important Is Missing
My dad died, and he is not here to celebrate with me in person. When big days happen, I might look around and notice his empty chair. It makes complete sense that I miss his voice, his hugs, and his laugh.
🌊
3. Waves of Many Feelings
Feelings on big days can feel like ocean waves. I can feel happy about my presents, excited about delicious cake, and deeply sad that my dad is not here—all at the exact same time. Two feelings can be true together.
🫀
4. My Body Signals
Sometimes grief shows up in my body. My chest might feel tight, I might get tired quickly, or I might feel like crying. This is not bad behavior. My body is just letting me know that today is a big emotional day.
💡 "Having a hard day does not mean I am going backward. It means I loved my dad very much."
Big Days Social Story • Script for Julia Page 1 of 2
Illustrated Social Story • Part 2
What I Can Do on Big Days
My Choices & Tools
I have tools, safe people, and permission to take care of myself.
🗣️
5. I Can Speak My Needs
I don't have to smile and pretend I am okay if I feel sad inside. I can tap my device or point to tell a safe person: "I'm having a hard day," or "I need a quiet break," or "Can you sit with me?"
🛋️
6. Regulation Breaks Are Good
If a party gets too loud or overwhelming, I can leave the room for 15 or 20 minutes. I can use my weighted blanket, listen to favorite music, or breathe quietly. Taking a break helps my nervous system calm down.
🕯️
7. Including Dad in Special Ways
I can choose if I want to remember Dad on this day. We can eat his favorite meal, play his favorite song, or look at family pictures. Remembering him keeps his love right next to me.
🌟
8. Smiling Is Allowed
When I laugh, have fun, or enjoy my milestone, it does not mean I forgot my dad. Dad loved me and wanted me to have a joyful life. I am carrying his love with me as I keep living my life.
🌿
