Restorative Mediation Cards Handout
Restorative Mediations
A step-by-step outline for mediating peer conflict in real time.
Externalizing lowers threat
Double listening prevents conflict-saturated identities
Naive curiosity increases agency
Counter-stories invite best selves forward
Repair replaces punishment with responsibility
Step 1
Set the Frame
Goal: Reduce defensiveness and shift from blame to curiosity.
What to Say
“We’re not here to decide who is right or wrong.”
“We’re here to understand what showed up between you.”
Write on board:
“The person is not the problem. The problem is the problem.”
Ground Rules
- Speak for yourself
- No interruptions
- Curious questions (not to catch you)
Step 2
Externalize
Goal: Separate students from the problem & lower intensity.
Action
Give the conflict a neutral name together.
Examples:
“The Rumor Spiral”, “The Group Text Blow-Up”, “The Miscommunication”
Prompt
“If we talked about this problem like it had its own name, what would we call it?”
Pro Tip
Write the name on the board.
Step 3
Hear the Problem
Goal: Acknowledge harm without letting it dominate.
Curious Questions
“When [Problem Name] showed up, how did you respond?”
“Because of [Problem Name], what did you assume about them?”
“How did it affect your choices?”
Counselor Move
Reflect neutrally:
“So it sounds like [Problem Name] pushed you toward reacting quickly.”
No correcting. No interpreting.
Step 4
Find the Gaps
Goal: Surface the counter-story (values & intentions).
Key Shift
Listen for what resisted the conflict.
Questions
“Was there a moment when you almost did something different?”
“What stopped this from getting worse?”
“What does that tell me about the kind of person you're trying to be?”
Name the Value
“That sounds like fairness.”
“I’m hearing loyalty/respect.”
Step 5
Map the Effects
Goal: Increase awareness and accountability safely.
Prompt
“How has [Problem Name] affected you?”
“Who else did it affect?”
“What did it get in the way of?”
Important
- No accusations
- Focus on impact, not intent
Step 6
Counter-Story
Goal: Strengthen agency and preferred identity.
Questions
“If [Problem Name] didn’t have so much control, how would you want this to go?”
“What kind of person do you want to be known as here?”
Preferred Identity
Write as statements:
“I’m someone who...”
“In conflicts, I try to...”
Step 7
Restorative Repair
Goal: Repair harm without shame.
Prompts
“What needs to happen to reduce the impact of [Problem Name]?”
“What would feel fair, not punishing?”
“What support would help this stick?”
Agreements should be:
SPECIFIC TIME-BOUND STUDENT-CHOSEN
Step 8
Close the Story
Goal: Lock in the counter-narrative.
Closing Reflection
“Today, I noticed [Value] show up when you both...”
“That tells me this conflict doesn’t get to define you.”
Optional Final Question
“If someone asked what you learned from this, what would you say?”
Mediation Complete
Restorative Practice
