Restorative Pause

Two sharp inhales through nose, slow long sigh out mouth.

Triggers vagus nerve, slowing pulse.

3

State Need

Replace blame with your true vulnerability and need.

"I felt excluded from the plan."

4

Offer Bridge

Ask a collaborative question to build a fair path forward.

"Can we split tasks equally now?"

Power move: A pause is not surrender. It is self-control in action.

Script Comparison

Scenario: "You stole my turn on the court!"

Trap Reaction (Escalation)

"You're a selfish jerk! You never pass!"

• Shouting escalates physical tension in both people.

• Brain enters defense mode; listening shuts down.

• Result: Disciplinary referral, broken trust.

Restorative Pause (De-Escalation)

"Hold on—I need a breath. I'm feeling ignored."

• Pauses the escalation loop immediately.

• Names the unmet need: Fairness and inclusion.

• Proposes next play: "Can we rotate shooting order next round?"

Notice how the Restorative Pause keeps dignity intact while solving the actual issue.

Simulation Protocol

Next Step

Your Turn: Partner Fishbowl & Scripting

Role A

Presents the conflict trigger with moderate intensity.

Role B

Applies the 4-step Restorative Pause and decodes the need.

Observer

Times the pause and tracks body language on the rubric.

Grab your Conflict Decoder Worksheet and prepare for Round 1! Dignity First • Always

Step 1: Your exact "Signal & Stop" verbal phrase:

Step 2: Somatic Reset Action (What will you physically do for 5 seconds?):

Step 3: State your feeling and underlying need (No insults allowed!):

Step 4: Your restorative bridge question or proposal:

My De-Escalation Commitment Contract

Complete your personal pause protocol to use in the hallway, cafeteria, or online:

1. The physical signal I will pay attention to first is:

2. When I feel that signal, my default pause phrase will be:

3. A core need I value most during disagreements is (e.g. respect, clarity, privacy):

Conflict Decoder Worksheet • Grade 6–8 SEL Page 2 of 2

Setup: Sam bumps hard into Maya outside the gym and snarls: "Watch where you're walking, or do you need glasses on your phone too?" Maya hears students behind them snicker.

Maya's Restorative Prompt: Notice the ear-burn and fist clench. Signal the stop: "Whoa, hold up—let's pause before this goes sideways." Take the breath.

Unmet Need to Articulate: Respect & Physical Safety ("I feel startled and embarrassed. I need us to speak without insults.")

Bridge Proposal: "We both have 3 minutes to get to class. Can we just walk in peace?"

3 Scenario 3: The Group Chat Screenshot Leak Roles: Alex & Chris

Setup: Alex finds out Chris screenshotted a private vent from their direct message and sent it to a larger group chat without permission.

Alex's Restorative Prompt: Instead of sending 20 angry ALL-CAPS rage texts, Alex calls for an in-person pause at lockers: "Hey Chris, I need 60 seconds with you one-on-one."

Unmet Need to Articulate: Trust & Privacy ("I feel betrayed because I trusted you with private thoughts.")

Bridge Proposal: "I need you to delete that screenshot and confirm you won't forward private messages again. Can we agree to that?"

Peer Observer Checklist (Observer Role in Triad)

Rate your peers on each criterion

Observer Feedback & Compliment to Partner:

De-Escalation Dialogue Roleplay Script Page 2 of 2