Circle Seekers Slides Circle Seekers
Understanding Exclusion & Building Belonging
What is Exclusion?
Exclusion happens when someone is left out of a group, a game, or a conversation on purpose or by accident.
"It feels like being on the outside looking in."
Physical Exclusion
What it looks like:
Standing in a tight circle so no one else can join.
Moving away when someone sits down.
Telling someone "there's no room" when there is.
"The 'Closed Gate': When bodies and spaces say 'Stay Out'."
Social Exclusion
"The 'Invisible Shield': When words and attention are kept away."
What it looks like:
Ignoring someone when they try to talk.
Whispering or sharing "inside jokes" to make others feel left out.
Only inviting specific people to a hangout in front of everyone.
How Does it Feel?
Lonely
Sad
Invisible
Confused
"Our brains feel exclusion the same way our bodies feel physical pain."
Be a Circle Seeker
Notice
Look for the person on the outside of the circle.
Open
Physically make room for them to join the group.
Invite
Ask a question or explain what the group is doing.
Let's Talk About It
Have you ever felt "invisible" in a group?
Why do you think groups sometimes close up?
What is one small way we can make our classroom a "Circle Seeker" zone?
The Invisible Seat Story The Invisible Seat
A Social Story About Belonging
This is a story about Leo. Leo is a lot like you. He likes games, he likes laughing, and he likes having friends to play with.
But sometimes, Leo feels like he is wearing an invisible cloak.
Circle Seekers Series Page 1
The Tight Circle
At recess, Leo saw a group of kids playing a new card game. He walked over to see.
The kids were standing in a very tight circle. Their backs were turned to Leo.
Leo tried to peek over a shoulder, but no one moved. No one stepped back to make a space for him. It felt like a wall made of backpacks and jackets.
Thought Bubble
"Maybe they didn't see me? Or maybe they don't want me here?"
Physical Exclusion Page 2
The Invisible Voice
At lunch, Leo sat at the big table. The other kids were talking about a movie they all saw over the weekend.
"I saw that too! The dragon was so cool," Leo said.
But no one looked at him. They kept talking to each other as if Leo hadn't said a word. It felt like his voice was made of silence.
Leo's Heart
Leo felt a heavy weight in his chest. It's a lonely feeling to be in a room full of people but still feel alone.
Social Exclusion Page 3
The Bridge Builder
Then, something changed. Maya noticed Leo standing outside the circle.
She didn't wait for him to ask. She simply took a step to the side and said, "Hey Leo, come see! We're trying to figure out the rules for this game."
Maya used her body to open the circle. She used her voice to invite him in.
Leo felt seen.
The weight was gone.
Allyship Page 4
Be a Circle Seeker
Exclusion can happen without anyone meaning to be mean. But Inclusion happens when we are brave and kind like Maya.
Remember the 3 Steps:
1
LOOK: Notice if someone is standing alone or behind others.
2
MOVE: Take a step back to make the circle bigger.
3
TALK: Say their name and ask them a question.
"Everyone deserves a seat at the table."
Reflection Page 5
Bridge Builder Worksheet Bridge Builder
Inclusion Challenge
Name
Date
Part 1: Spot the Wall
Read the scenarios below. Which type of exclusion is happening?
A group of friends stands in a tight circle to whisper about a secret, leaving one person outside the ring.
Physical
Social
Everyone is laughing at an "inside joke" but no one explains what it means to the new student.
Physical
Social
A student tries to sit at a table, and someone else puts their backpack on the empty chair to save it for a friend.
Physical
Social
Part 2: Opening the Circle
Choose ONE scenario from above. How could you be a "Bridge Builder" and fix the exclusion?
Part 3: Heart Check
When I am excluded, I feel...
When I include others, I feel...
I am a Circle Seeker. I make the world bigger by letting others in.
Kindness Coach Guide Teacher Resource
Kindness Coach Guide
Lesson: Circle Seekers
Target Grade: 1-4
Learning Objectives
Differentiate between physical exclusion (space) and social exclusion (interaction).
Identify the emotional impact of being left out.
Practice three concrete strategies for inclusion (Notice, Open, Invite).
Essential Questions
"Why does exclusion sometimes happen even when people aren't trying to be mean?"
"What does it physically look like to 'open a circle'?"
Key Vocabulary
Exclusion
Being left out of a group or activity.
Inclusion
Making sure everyone feels like they belong.
Ally
Someone who speaks up or acts to help others.
Proximity
Physical closeness to others.
"Building a culture where everyone belongs."
Facilitation Steps
1
Hook: The Invisible Wall
Have 4-5 students stand in a tight circle in the center of the room. Ask a volunteer to try and join without speaking. Discuss how the physical "wall" felt for both the volunteer and the group.
2
Direct Instruction: Slides & Story
Use the Circle Seekers Slides to define the terms. Read The Invisible Seat Story aloud. Pause on Page 3 to discuss how Leo’s feelings might affect his behavior (e.g., pulling away, getting angry).
3
Guided Practice: The Inclusion Lab
Roleplay the "3 Steps" (Notice, Open, Invite). Ask students: "What specifically would you say to invite Leo in without making it awkward?" (e.g., "Hey Leo, we're just talking about X, what do you think?")
4
Individual Reflection
Hand out the Bridge Builder Worksheet. Allow students to reflect on their own experiences with exclusion and set a goal for the week.
Pro-Tip: Addressing "Inside Jokes"
Remind students that inside jokes aren't "bad," but they are a form of social exclusion when used in a larger group. Teach the "Catch-Up Rule": If you tell an inside joke, you must spend 30 seconds "catching up" the person who doesn't know it.
Circle Seekers Slides Adult Circle Seekers
Building Community & Connection in our Daily Lives
Understanding Exclusion
Exclusion is when someone is left out of a conversation, a group activity, or a shared space.
"It feels like being invisible while everyone else is seen."
Physical Exclusion
Examples:
Standing in a way that blocks someone from joining a circle.
Sitting in a way that leaves no empty chairs for others.
Walking away when someone tries to sit near you.
"The Body Block: Using our physical space to say 'No Entrance'."
Social Exclusion
"The Silent Wall: When we hear someone, but don't respond."
Examples:
Pretending you didn't hear someone speak.
Talking about private plans in front of others who aren't invited.
Using "inside jokes" to make others feel like they don't belong.
Why it Matters
When we exclude others, they feel sad, lonely, and unwanted.
It makes our community smaller and weaker.
"Belonging is a basic human need—just like food and water."
Be a Circle Seeker
Notice
Look for the person standing alone or trying to join the conversation.
Space
Physically move to make the circle bigger. Open your body language.
Voice
Use your words. Say their name. Ask for their opinion on the topic.
Discussion: Real Situations
At the breakroom table, everyone is sitting close together.
Waiting for the van, two people are whispering about a movie.
In the community workshop, someone is standing by the door.
The Table for All Story Adult The Table for All
A Story About Community and Solidarity
Leo is an adult who works at the community center. He is proud of his job and he loves his friends.
But sometimes, even in places meant for everyone, Leo feels like there is a wall between him and the group.
Community Skills Series 01
The Space is Closed
During lunch at the workshop, three of Leo's coworkers were sitting at the big table. They were talking about their weekend plans.
They were sitting very close together. When Leo walked up with his lunch tray, no one moved. No one slid over to make room for him to sit.
It felt like their chairs were glued to the floor. Leo stood there for a moment, then sat at a small table in the corner by himself.
Think About It
Have you ever felt like there was "no room" for you, even if the table was big enough?
Physical Exclusion 02
The Silent Voice
Later, the group was talking about a new movie. Leo loves movies! He knew the name of the actor and the story.
"I saw that movie! The main character was really funny," Leo said, trying to join in.
But no one turned their head. They kept talking to each other as if Leo's voice was just the wind. It was social exclusion.
Leo felt lonely.
"Am I invisible?"
Social Exclusion 03
The Power of Notice
Then, Maya noticed. She saw Leo sitting alone and she saw him try to speak.
Maya did two things: She slid her chair over to make a wide space. Then she said, "Hey Leo, did you like the ending of the movie? We were just arguing about it."
Maya opened the circle. She used her voice to pull Leo in.
Leo felt like he belonged.
Inclusion in Action 04
Community Rules
I will be a Circle Seeker when I:
1
LOOK AROUND
Is someone sitting alone? Is someone standing on the outside?
2
MAKE ROOM
Slide your chair. Shift your body. Create a physical "YES."
3
ASK & LISTEN
Use their name. Ask for their ideas. Give them time to speak.
Solidarity is our Strength
Personal Goal 05
Bridge Builder Worksheet Adult Bridge Builder
Community Inclusion Review
Name
Date
Part 1: Identifying Barriers
At the community center, two friends are whispering about their lunch plans while standing in front of the door.
Physical
Social
During a workshop, a group is laughing at a joke from a TV show that only they watch. No one tells the others the joke.
Physical
Social
Everyone sits in every other chair at the meeting table, so there are no open spots for someone using a wheelchair.
Physical
Social
Part 2: Your Action Plan
Scenario: You see someone eating lunch alone at the far end of the cafeteria.
Write one thing you can DO and one thing you can SAY to be a Circle Seeker.
I can DO:
I can SAY:
I am a Bridge Builder.
Kindness Coach Guide Adult Facilitator Staff & Facilitator Guide
Kindness Coach Guide
Lesson: Circle Seekers
Adult Community Settings
Facilitation Goals
Empower adults to recognize physical barriers in shared spaces.
Identify social barriers that prevent meaningful participation.
Practice direct communication for inclusion.
Essential Inquiries
"How does our physical posture send signals of 'Welcome' or 'Stay Away'?"
"What is our responsibility when we notice a peer is being ignored by the group?"
Key Concepts
Lateral Solidarity
Building support between peers with similar life experiences rather than competing for "space."
Self-Advocacy
Standing up for one's right to belong in a conversation or group.
Allyship
Using one's own social power to bring others into the circle.
Facilitation Methods
A
The Social Audit
Walk through the actual community space with the group. Point out where "bottlenecks" happen (physical exclusion) and where "hubs" happen (social inclusion). Ask: "Where is it easiest to join in?"
B
Roleplaying: The "Nudge"
Practice the physical act of "nudging" a circle open. Use a hula hoop or tape on the floor. Have two people standing together and practice the 3 steps to let a third person in.
C
Story Debrief
Read The Table for All. Focus the conversation on why the characters didn't notice Leo at first. Was it on purpose? Does that change how it feels?
Coaching Point: Always reinforce that inclusion is a skill that takes practice. Nobody gets it perfect every time, but "Notice, Space, Voice" are tools for every day.
The Mirror Effect Slides The Mirror Effect
Why We Sometimes Leave Others Like Us Out
What is Lateral Exclusion?
Lateral Exclusion is when we leave out people who have the same challenges or similar disabilities as we do.
"Sometimes we push away people who remind us of what we don't like about ourselves."
Why does it happen?
Wanting to look "more independent" to others.
Feeling frustrated with our own struggles.
Trying to fit in with a group that doesn't have disabilities.
The "Mirror" Feeling
When we see someone else struggling with the same things we do, it can feel like looking in a mirror.
"If I push THEM away, maybe people won't notice MY disability."
Is this true? (No! It just makes everyone more lonely.)
Scenario: The Workshop Break
A group of adults with disabilities are laughing and talking. A new person with a visible disability tries to sit with them.
The Ostracizing Action:
The group stops talking, looks at each other, and whispers: "Not here, we're busy."
Discussion:
Why did they push them away?
How does this hurt the whole group?
What would a "Solidarity Choice" look like?
Solidarity
Solidarity is standing together.
"When we include others who are like us, we show the world that we are proud of who we are."
"If one of us is left out, none of us truly belong."
The Peer Inclusion Steps
01
Check Your Feeling
Are you pushing them away because you are embarrassed? It's okay to feel that way, but don't act on it.
02
Find the Link
Find one thing you have in common. Do you both like the same snack? The same music?
03
Claim Your Space
Say: "Come sit here. There's room for everyone."
Stronger Together
When we treat our peers with respect, we are telling the world that everyone with a disability deserves respect.
Breaking the Mirror Worksheet Breaking the Mirror
Personal Reflection & Solidarity Goal
Participant
Sometimes we push away people who remind us of our own struggles. This is called lateral exclusion. This worksheet helps us find ways to stand together instead.
1
The Honest Moment
Have you ever felt embarrassed when a peer with a disability did something "awkward" in public?
Yes
No
Sometimes
What was the feeling in your body? (Circle all that apply)
Hot face Tight chest Wanting to hide Angry Sad
2
Breaking the Pattern
If you feel embarrassed, what can you say to yourself instead of pushing the person away?
Think of a peer you have "ostracized" or ignored. What is one thing you can ask them tomorrow to rebuild the bridge?
Pride is found in Solidarity.
Solidarity Strategy Cards Professional Facilitation Tool
Solidarity Strategy Cards
Lesson: Peer Solidarity
Group Discussion Prompts
Use these cards to lead small group discussions about the difficult "social hierarchy" that sometimes forms in adult community spaces.
The "Cool" Table
There is a group of adults at the center who don't need much help from staff. They sit together and won't let people who need more help (like using a communication board or needing help to eat) sit with them.
Prompt:
Why is this group acting this way? How can we change the culture?
The "Better Than" Feeling
"I have a disability, but I'm not LIKE them." Someone says this about a peer who has a more severe disability.
Prompt:
Where does this feeling come from? How does it hurt our shared self-advocacy?
The Public Nudge
You are out in the community (like at a restaurant) with your group. One person is making a loud noise. Other people in the restaurant are staring. The rest of your group moves away and pretends they don't know the person.
Prompt:
What is the "Solidarity Choice" in this public moment?
The Staff Factor
Sometimes people ostracize others because they want more attention from the staff. They try to be the "favorite" by pointing out other people's mistakes.
Prompt:
How can we support each other instead of competing for attention?
Facilitator Note:
These scenarios can be emotional. Ensure the room is a "no-shame" zone where people can admit to these behaviors so they can work to change them.
The Silent Choice Story Adult The Silent Choice
A Story About Loyalty and Inclusion
John
Jane
Judy
Rachel
John, Jane, and Judy have been friends for a long time. They do everything together. John and Jane also like Rachel, and they enjoy spending time with her.
But there is a problem. Judy does not like Rachel.
Solidarity Series 01
The Common Room
One day, John and Jane are sitting with Judy. Rachel walks into the room and smiles. She says, "Hey everyone! Can I sit with you?"
Judy's Reaction:
Judy crosses her arms. She looks away and makes a mean face. She doesn't say a word.
John and Jane look at Judy. They don't want Judy to be mad at them. So, they look down at their feet and pretend they didn't hear Rachel.
Rachel stands there for a minute. Her face gets red. She feels embarrassed and alone. She walks away.
The Ostracization 02
The Secret Apology
Later that night, John feels bad. He calls Rachel.
"I'm sorry we ignored you today, Rachel," John says. "We just didn't want to make Judy mad. You know how she is."
Rachel is still crying. She says, "John, it doesn't matter what you say on the phone. In front of everyone, you treated me like I wasn't there. That's not being a friend."
Why Rachel is upset:
An apology in private does not fix the pain of being ignored in public. Rachel needs her friends to stand up for her when it's hard.
The Failed Resolution 03
What Could John & Jane Do?
Acknowledge Rachel
Say, "Hi Rachel! We're just hanging out." Even if Judy is mad, you are being kind to Rachel.
Talk to Judy Privately
"Judy, we like Rachel. It's not okay to ignore her. We're going to talk to her."
Choose Solidarity
Real friends don't let others be bullied or ostracized just to "keep the peace."
Future Choices 04
Loyalty Lab Worksheet Adult The Loyalty Lab
Friendship Dynamics Workshop
Name
1
Part 1: The Friendship Web
In the story "The Silent Choice," use circles and lines to map out how the characters are connected. Label who is friends with whom and who doesn't like whom.
Draw your map here
According to your map:
Who has the most "power" in the group?
Who is the most "vulnerable" (likely to get hurt)?
Who is "trapped" in the middle?
2
Part 2: The Price of "Peace"
John's Big Mistake
John chose to "keep the peace" with Judy by ignoring Rachel. This kept Judy happy, but it hurt Rachel and made Rachel stop trusting him.
If John keeps doing this, what will happen to his friendship with Rachel?
Your Script for Solidarity
Write one thing John could say to Judy to stand up for himself and Rachel at the same time.
A secret apology is not a public solution.
Tough Conversations Facilitation Guide Adult Staff & Facilitator Resource
Tough Conversations Guide
Scenario Coaching
Addressing Complex Ostracization
Analyzing the "John/Judy/Rachel" Dynamic
The "Judy" Role
This individual is the "Gatekeeper." They use social status or a dominant personality to control the group's behavior. Their power comes from others' fear of losing their friendship.
The "John" Role
This individual is the "Enabler." They value the status quo and private peace over public justice. They often experience guilt but lack the self-advocacy skills to confront the Gatekeeper.
The "Rachel" Role
The "Target." They are being laterally excluded by peers who are similar to them. This creates a deep sense of betrayal because the harm is coming from within their own community.
Facilitation Strategies
1
Validate the Fear
Acknowledge to the group that it is SCARY to make a dominant friend mad. Don't shame "John" for being afraid; instead, highlight that his fear is being used to hurt someone else.
2
Focus on "Impact over Intent"
John didn't intend to hurt Rachel; he just didn't want to make Judy mad. Facilitators must pivot the conversation to the impact: Rachel was left crying and alone. Intentions don't heal wounds.
3
Roleplay the "Broken Record"
Coach John to use a simple, repetitive phrase with Judy: "I'm going to say hi to Rachel now." If Judy gets mad, John repeats: "I know you're mad, but I'm going to say hi to Rachel now."
Peer Solidarity Roleplay Tips Guide Facilitator Roleplay Guide
Roleplay Mastery
Peer Solidarity
John and Rachel Coaching
Tips for John
Goal: Public Allyship
Practice the "Two-Person Greeting"
John needs to practice looking at Rachel AND Judy at the same time. "Hi Rachel! We were just about to start coffee. Judy, do we have enough cups?"
The "Why" Behind the Stand
John can practice saying: "Judy, it makes me feel sad when we leave people out. I'm going to talk to Rachel now." Focus on *his* feelings to avoid a direct attack on Judy.
Private Action is Not Enough
John must learn that an apology is only real if it changes how he acts tomorrow in the common room.
Tips for Rachel
Goal: Setting Boundaries
Describe the Impact
Rachel should practice saying: "When you ignore me in the group, it feels like you are embarrassed of me. That hurts."
The "Action-Based" Request
Instead of just being mad, Rachel can ask: "Next time, can you say hello to me in front of Judy? That is what a real friend does."
It's Okay to Say No
Rachel has the right to say, "I'm not ready to accept your apology because I don't feel respected in the group yet." This is powerful self-advocacy.
Practice Scenarios
Scenario A
The Morning Greeting
John and Judy are sitting together. Rachel walks in. John sees Rachel and wants to wave, but he sees Judy is looking at him with a frown.
John's Line:
"Hi Rachel! Good morning. Judy, I was just saying hi to Rachel. Do you want to join us?"
Rachel's Line:
"Good morning John! It's nice to see you. Is there a spot for me here?"
Scenario B
The Difficult Phone Call
John calls Rachel to apologize for ignoring her. Rachel wants to tell John that he needs to be a better friend in public.
John's Line:
"I'm sorry about today. I just don't like it when Judy is mad at me."
Rachel's Line:
"I understand that Judy is your friend, but I am your friend too. It's not okay to ignore me to keep Judy happy."
Facilitator Tip: Encourage participants to use their own words. If they find these lines too difficult, help them find shorter, 3-word sentences that convey the same meaning.
The Party Without a Place Story Adult The Party Without a Place
A Story About Public Choices and Real Friendship
John
Judy
Rachel
Emily
Kristine
Judy was planning a birthday party for John at a restaurant that everyone loved. Judy knew that John and Rachel were friends.
But Judy did not invite Rachel.
The Party Scenario 01
At the Restaurant
Rachel arrived at the restaurant for her own dinner. She saw a big table with all her friends. She felt a sting in her heart—she hadn't been invited to the party.
Two guests, Emily and Kristine, saw Rachel. They waved and said, "Rachel! Come sit with us!"
The Painful Moment
John walked over to talk to Emily and Kristine. Even though Rachel was sitting right there, John only talked to the other two. He acted like Rachel was invisible.
Exclusion in Public 02
Kristine Speaks Up
Kristine noticed John was ignoring Rachel. She said, "John, Rachel is right here with us."
John nodded and said, "Yeah, I know."
But then, he turned back around and kept ignoring Rachel. He was still too afraid to make Judy mad.
The Result:
Even with a friend's help, John chose to exclude Rachel. The party felt like a disaster for Rachel. She felt unwanted by her own friends.
Refusing the Bridge 03
The Phone Call Again
John called Rachel to thank her for coming. Rachel reminded him, "John, I wasn't invited."
John apologized, but Rachel did not accept it.
"John," she said, "you had every chance to talk to me at the party. You even had Kristine remind you. You still chose to ignore me. An apology on the phone doesn't fix a cold heart at the table."
The Hard Truth
Real friendship is about what we do when our other friends are watching. If we only apologize in private, we aren't being a real ally.
The Final Lesson 04
Party Politics Worksheet Adult Party Politics
Analyzing Complex Ostracization
Participant
1
Part 1: The Three Voices
Judy (The Gatekeeper)
Judy planned a party but didn't invite Rachel. Why is this more than just "forgetting"?
John (The Enabler)
John ignored Rachel even when Kristine reminded him she was there. What was he afraid of?
Rachel (The Target)
Why was John's apology phone call "not enough" for Rachel?
2
Part 2: The Solidarity Choice
Kristine did the right thing by speaking up. But what could John have said in that moment to be a real friend?
Fill in the speech bubble:
Your Goal for the Next Community Outing
Think of a group setting you will be in soon (lunch, work, or a party). How will you make sure everyone at the table is included, even if someone else is making it difficult?
Solidarity is a verb. It requires action.
Community Events Facilitation Guide Adult Facilitator Briefing
Community Events Guide
Lesson: Peer Solidarity
Managing Real-World Exclusion
The "Restaurant Party" Red Flags
Public Ostracization
This is the most damaging form of exclusion. It involves "audience members" (Kristine/Emily) and creates a public loss of dignity for the target (Rachel).
Triangulation
John is "triangulated" between Judy and Rachel. He feels he must choose one over the other. Facilitators must help John realize he can be kind to Rachel without being mean to Judy.
Staff Intervention Tips
The "Gentle Prompt"
If you see a participant like John ignoring Rachel, pull him aside during the event. Say: "John, I noticed you didn't say hi to Rachel yet. She's sitting right there. Why don't you go say hi for 10 seconds?"
Support the Allies
Kristine and Emily did the right thing. Staff should praise this privately later. "Kristine, I saw you try to include Rachel at the party. That was a great example of being a Circle Seeker."
Post-Event Debriefing
When an event goes poorly like the restaurant scenario, lead a group debrief focusing on these three concepts:
1
Private Talk vs. Public Action
"Why didn't John's phone call make Rachel feel better?"
Goal: Help John understand that friendship is not a secret; it must be shown to be felt.
2
Gatekeeping Impact
"How did Judy's guest list affect everyone at the restaurant?"
Goal: Address the power dynamic of the "Gatekeeper" and how it limits the whole community.
3
Standing in Solidarity
"What does it look like to be a 'Circle Seeker' even when it's awkward?"
Goal: Reinforce that inclusion often requires bravery and a bit of social friction.
The goal is not to punish "John" or "Judy," but to build a culture where "Rachel" is never left standing alone at a party.
