Iceberg Presentation Slides Lesson 1: Root Causes
DEEP WATER
Navigating the Conflict Iceberg
Relationship Skills Unit
What Sinks the Ship?
Visible
Hidden
1
Look at the iceberg. What percentage is above water?
2
Why is the part underneath the most dangerous?
3
How is a fight with a friend like an iceberg?
The Conflict Iceberg
Surface Issues
This is the "Visible" part. It's what people see and hear during a conflict.
The actual argument
Harsh words used
Loud voices
Root Causes
This is the "Hidden" part. These are the deep reasons why the conflict started.
Unmet needs (Respect, Inclusion)
Hidden feelings (Fear, Hurt)
Past experiences
Case Study: The Forgotten Text
The Surface Issue
"Sam yells at Jordan because Jordan forgot to text back about playing games online after school. Sam says Jordan is 'lazy' and 'a bad friend'."
Look Deeper
Why is Sam really upset? Is it just a text message?
Possible Roots
Feeling ignored, fearing the friendship is ending, needing to feel important.
Deep Dive Investigation
Grab your "Root Cause Investigation" worksheet. You're going to analyze three scenarios. Your job is to separate the Surface Issue (what we see) from the Root Causes (why it hurts).
Let's get digging!
Root Cause Investigation Worksheet Root Cause Investigation
Conflict Navigator Worksheet 1.1
Name:
Date:
Surface
Root
The Iceberg Reminder
Surface Issues are the visible parts of a conflict (shouting, name-calling, the argument topic).Root Causes are the hidden parts (unmet needs, hurt feelings, past experiences, fears).
1
Scenario: The Lunch Table Seat
"Maya sits at her usual lunch spot, but her friend Chloe tells her the seat is 'saved' for someone else. Maya gets angry, calls Chloe 'fake,' and walks away to sit alone, crying."
Surface Issue
(What happened on the outside?)
Possible Root Causes
(What might Maya be feeling or needing?)
2
Scenario: The Science Partner
"David and Liam are partners for a project. Liam does all the work without asking David for input. David snaps at Liam during class, saying, 'You think you're so much smarter than everyone!'"
Surface Issue
Possible Root Causes
The Navigator's Question
Why is it helpful to know the root cause before you try to fix a fight?
Root Cause Facilitation Guide Teacher Resource
Root Cause Facilitation Guide
Lesson 1: Surface Issues vs. Root Causes
Time Estimate 45 MIN
01 The Hook: Iceberg Visual
Instructional Note:
Show the hook slide. Ask: "If you're a ship captain, why is the visible part of the iceberg actually the least of your worries?" Transition this to conflict: The visible part (yelling) is just a signal that something big is happening underneath.
Key Discussion Questions:
"Can you see someone's feelings just by looking at them?"
"Have you ever yelled about something small (like a missing sock) when you were actually upset about something big?"
02 Model & Guided Practice
Use the "Forgotten Text" scenario on Slide 4. Work through it together before handing out the worksheet.
Surface Example
"Jordan didn't text back. Sam called Jordan names."
Root Example
"Sam feels lonely. Sam is worried Jordan is making new friends."
Worksheet Key
Scenario 1 (Maya/Chloe)
Roots: Feeling excluded, betrayal of trust, needing security in friendship, fear of being "replaced."
Scenario 2 (David/Liam)
Roots: Need for respect/competence, feeling invisible, insecurity about project grade, desire for control.
Avoid This!
Don't let students just list "angry" as a root cause. Anger is almost always a surface emotion . Push them to find the "soft" emotion underneath (fear, hurt, sadness).
Success Criteria:
Students can define 'Root Cause'
Students identify 2+ hidden roots
Students distinguish surface vs. root
Conflict Animal Slides Lesson 2: Self-Awareness
Conflict Animals
What is your default conflict style?
Four Corners Challenge
Corner 1
"I just walk away and hope it goes away."
Corner 2
"I need to win the argument no matter what."
Corner 3
"I'll do whatever they want just to keep the peace."
Corner 4
"Let's talk and find a solution that works for both."
The Competitor & The Avoider
The Shark
Style: Competing
"My way or the highway." Focuses on goals over relationships. Needs to win.
Power: Gets things done.
The Turtle
Style: Avoiding
"I'd rather not talk about it." Hides in their shell. Ignores the problem.
Power: Keeps things calm for a bit.
The Helper & The Wise One
The Teddy Bear
Style: Accommodating
"Whatever makes you happy." Values the friendship over their own goals.
Power: Preserves friendships.
The Owl
Style: Collaborating
"Let's solve this together." Values both goals and the relationship. Finds a 'Win-Win'.
Power: Solves the root cause perfectly.
The Style Reveal
It's time to find out your default style. Take the "Animal Styles Assessment." Be honest! There are no "bad" styles—just different tools for different situations.
Start the Assessment!
Animal Styles Assessment Worksheet What's Your Animal Style?
Conflict Navigator Assessment 2.1
Name:
Personality Lab
Instructions
Read each scenario below. Circle the letter (A, B, C, or D ) that best describes how you would actually react in that situation. Be honest!
1
A friend borrows your favorite hoodie and returns it with a small stain. You:
A
Say nothing and just try to wash it yourself. I don't want to make it a big deal.
B
Tell them it's totally fine and they don't need to worry about it, even if I'm sad.
C
Demand that they buy me a new one immediately. It's their fault and they need to fix it.
D
Show them the stain and ask how we can fix it together or if they can help pay for dry cleaning.
2
Your group is picking a topic for a project. Everyone wants Topic X, but you want Topic Y. You:
A
Stay quiet and let them choose. I'll just do whatever they decide.
B
Agree with them quickly so they like me and think I'm easy to work with.
C
Argue for Topic Y until they give in. I know my idea is better.
D
Suggest a way to combine both topics or vote on a third option that everyone likes.
3
A sibling is using the TV when it's your scheduled turn. You:
A
Go to your room and do something else. It's not worth the fight.
B
Let them finish their show, even if you miss yours. I want them to be happy.
C
Grab the remote and change the channel. It's my time!
D
Remind them of the schedule and offer to let them have 5 more minutes if they let you have 5 extra tomorrow.
Tally Your Results:
Count how many of each letter you circled.
A: ___ Turtle
B: ___ Teddy Bear
C: ___ Shark
D: ___ Owl
Animal Styles Teacher Key Interpretation Key
Animal Style Decoder
Lesson 2: Identifying Conflict Styles
Key Concept SELF-AWARENESS
The Shark (Letter C)
Goal-Oriented. Sharks prioritize the outcome over the relationship. They use power and arguments to win.
"Use this style when a quick decision is vital or when you need to stand up for a core value."
The Turtle (Letter A)
Conflict-Avoidant. Turtles pull into their shells. They hope the problem will disappear if they ignore it.
"Use this style when a conflict is dangerous or when you need time to cool down."
The Teddy Bear (Letter B)
Relationship-Oriented. Teddy Bears want peace. They will give up their own goals just to keep others happy.
"Use this style when the issue isn't important to you but is very important to the other person."
The Owl (Letter D)
The Problem Solver. Owls seek "Win-Win" solutions. They value both the goal and the relationship.
"Use this style for complex problems that affect your long-term relationships."
Facilitation Tips
1
No "Bad" Animals
Emphasize that we all have a default, but a "Conflict Master" knows when to switch animals. Sometimes being a Turtle is smart (e.g., if a stranger is picking a fight for no reason).
2
The Power of the Owl
Acknowledge that being an Owl is hard. It takes the most time and the most communication. Ask: "Why don't we use the Owl style every single time?" (Answer: Time, energy, requires two people to cooperate).
Perspective Lens Slides Lesson 3: Perspective Taking
Double Vision
Seeing the World Through Other Glasses
What Do You See?
DUCK or RABBIT?
The Big Idea
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something completely different.
In a conflict, both sides usually think they are 100% right.
The Golden Rule of Perspective
THE PERSON
THE PROBLEM
"Attack the Problem, Not the Person."
When we focus on the problem together, we stop being enemies and start being teammates.
Switching the Lens
Lens A: "My View"
"My friend is being totally mean. They ignored me in the hall and didn't sit with me at lunch. I'm going to stop talking to them."
Lens B: "Their View"
"I failed my math quiz and my brain is spinning. I didn't even notice anyone in the hall. I just needed to go to the library and study."
Both are "True."
Perspective Swap
You are about to read a story with two sides. Your job is to describe the conflict through Person A's glasses and then through Person B's glasses.
Let's look closer!
Double Vision Activity Worksheet Double Vision Activity
Conflict Navigator Worksheet 3.1
Name:
Date:
The Mystery of the Group Chat
"Leo starts a group chat for the weekend. He forgets to add Marcus. When Marcus finds out, he posts a mean comment on Leo’s social media photo. Leo sees the comment and tells everyone Marcus is 'dead to him' and blocks him."
M
Marcus's Lens
1. What is Marcus seeing/feeling?
2. Why did he post the mean comment?
L
Leo's Lens
1. What is Leo seeing/feeling?
2. Why did he block Marcus?
The Problem Solver's Challenge
What is one fact about this situation that both Marcus and Leo can agree on?
Perspective Facilitator Guide Facilitator Guide
Perspective Taking Guide
Lesson 3: Empathy & Multiple Truths
Skill Focus Empathy
The Illusion Debrief
After showing the duck/rabbit illusion (or similar), lead a brief discussion to set the stage for perspective-taking.
"If you saw the rabbit first, was the person who saw the duck lying?"
"Can two people be right at the exact same time?"
Goal: Introduce the idea of 'Multiple Truths.'
Separating Person from Problem
Key Metaphor:
"Imagine the conflict is a brick wall between two people. When we attack the person, we throw rocks at them over the wall. When we attack the problem, we both grab sledgehammers and take down the wall together."
Worksheet Key (Marcus/Leo)
Marcus's Lens
Feels rejected/left out
Thinks Leo is excluding him on purpose
Reacted out of hurt, not hate
Leo's Lens
Just made a simple mistake (forgot)
Shocked by the mean comment
Feels attacked; blocks to protect himself
Common Ground
"Both Marcus and Leo are upset and both miss their friend."
Facilitation Alert
Middle schoolers often struggle to see the "innocent mistake" side. Remind them that intent (what someone meant to do) is different from impact (how it felt).
Domino Effect Slides Lesson 4: Pattern Recognition
The Domino Effect
How Small Sparks Become Wildfires
The Chain Reaction
Escalation is a choice.
"Every conflict starts with a single domino. Escalation happens when we choose to push the next one instead of catching it."
Anatomy of a Fight
Triggers
Small things that kick off the reaction:
Rolling eyes
Sarcastic tone
Mentioning the past
Turning Points
Moments where you can stop the chain:
Taking a deep breath
Using an "I" statement
Asking for a break
The Escalation Map
The Spark
The Reaction
The Explosion
Mapping the Blow-Up
Pick a conflict you've seen (or make one up). You're going to map the chain of events from the first "Spark" to the final "Explosion." Then, you'll identify the "Brakes" that could have stopped it.
Start Mapping!
Escalation Map Worksheet Escalation Map
Conflict Navigator Worksheet 4.1
Name:
Date:
Conflicts rarely start as "explosions." They grow step-by-step. Map out a scenario below by identifying the Spark, the Fuel, and where someone could have hit the Brakes.
1
The Spark (The Trigger)
What was the first thing that happened? (Example: Someone makes a sarcastic joke)
2
The Fuel (The Escalation)
What happened next to make it worse? (Example: The other person yells back)
3
The Explosion (The Breaking Point)
How did it end up? (Example: Principal's office, lost friendship)
Hitting the Brakes
Look at Step 2. What is ONE DIFFERENT choice the person could have made to stop the chain reaction?
What "Owl Style" (Collaborating) words could they have used instead?
Conflict Brakes Handout Emergency Reference
The Conflict Brakes
5 Ways to Stop the Domino Effect
The 10-Second Pause
Don't react instantly. Take 3 deep breaths before you speak. It stops the "reflex" push of the next domino.
The "I" Statement
Instead of "You are being mean," try "I feel hurt when I am left out." It removes the blame and lowers the temperature.
The Curiosiy Question
Ask "Can you explain why you're upset?" or "What's really going on?" instead of assuming you know the root cause.
The Strategic Exit
Say "I'm getting too angry to talk right now. Let's talk about this in 20 minutes." Walk away before things explode.
Challenge
Keep this in your binder. The next time you feel a "Spark," pick one brake and try it out. You have the power to stop the chain!
Conflict Clinic Slides Final Lesson: Synthesis
Conflict Clinic
Paging the Conflict Doctors...
Emergency Intake
Case #402: The Lab Drama
"Witness statements are coming in. We have text logs and social media posts. The friendship is in critical condition."
Your Medical Tools
The Iceberg Model
Animal Styles
Perspective Lens
The Domino Effect
The Diagnosis Process
01
Find the Roots
What is hidden under the water?
02
Identify Styles
Which animals are fighting?
03
Map Escalation
Where were the triggers?
04
Prescribe
What Brakes are needed now?
Case Study: The Science Fair Shakedown
"Sarah and Riley have been best friends for years. But when the Science Fair rolls around, Sarah chooses a different partner because Riley 'never works hard enough.' Riley finds out through a TikTok post and starts a rumor that Sarah cheated on her last test. Now, they aren't speaking."
Prepare to Diagnose!
Save the Friendship
Open your Patient File. Read the full story and complete the Diagnosis Report. Can you figure out what really happened before the final explosion?
Doctors, Begin!
Case Study Patient File Confidential Medical File
Case #402: Science Fair Drama
Conflict Navigator Case Study 5.1
Urgent Analysis
Incident Report
"Sarah (Patient A) and Riley (Patient B) have been best friends since 2nd grade. On Monday, Sarah posted a photo of her and a new student, Chloe, with the caption: 'New Science Project Dream Team! 🧪💥'. Riley saw the post during 3rd period and immediately left the classroom without permission."
Witness: Chloe (New Student)
"Sarah told me she was worried about her grade. She said Riley is fun, but usually doesn't do any work on science projects. Sarah really needs an 'A' this time to get into the advanced track next year. She didn't want to hurt Riley, she just wanted a good grade."
Text Log: Riley to Others
"Can you believe Sarah?? She’s such a backstabber. She thinks she’s too good for me now. Don't sit with her at lunch."
"Sarah only got that 'A' on the math test because she had the answers on her phone. Everyone knows it."
The Explosion
"By Thursday, the entire grade was talking about the 'rumor.' Sarah confronted Riley in the hall. Sarah screamed, 'You're a liar and a loser, Riley!' Riley threw her backpack down and yelled, 'I hate you! Don't ever talk to me again!' They were both sent to the office."
End of File Log #402
Proceed to Diagnosis Report
Diagnosis Report Form Diagnosis Report
Conflict Navigator Assessment 5.2
Lead Doctor:
Case ID:
#402 (Sarah/Riley)
Phase 1: The Iceberg Analysis
What was the Surface Issue?
What was Sarah's hidden Root Cause?
What was Riley's hidden Root Cause?
Phase 2: Conflict Style Identification
Sarah's Style (Which animal?)
Why do you think so?
Riley's Style (Which animal?)
Why do you think so?
Phase 3: The Turning Point
Identify the exact moment when the conflict went from a "disagreement" to an "explosion." What was the biggest trigger?
The Doctor's Prescription
What is ONE thing Sarah should have said to Riley on Monday?
What is ONE thing Riley should have done on Thursday morning?
