Revision Remix

STAAR Test Prep: English I & II

Name:

Date:

Editor's Instructions

Read the following draft of a student's persuasive essay about urban green spaces. Then, answer the questions that follow by choosing the best revision for clarity, organization, and sentence structure. For each multiple-choice question, you must justify why your choice is the most effective edit.

The Concrete Jungle's Lungs

(1) Many cities today are seeing a rise in "urban heat islands," areas where concrete and asphalt trap heat and make the air significantly hotter. (2) To combat this, city planners are turning to green spaces like parks and community gardens. (3) These areas provide shade, cool the air through evaporation, and they offer a place for people to gather. (4) Some cities have even started planting "pocket forests" in tiny vacant lots. (5) These are very small but very dense areas of trees. (6) They grow really fast and help the environment a lot.

(7) Not everyone agrees that this is the best use of money. (8) Critics argue that the cost of maintaining these spaces is too high. (9) Also, some believe the land should be used for affordable housing instead. (10) However, the long-term benefits of urban greenery often outweigh the initial costs. (11) Studies show that residents who live near parks have lower stress levels, improved physical health, and they are more likely to exercise.

(12) In conclusion, urban green spaces are not just about looks. (13) They are essential infrastructure for a healthy city. (14) Planting trees and building parks should be a priority for every mayor, city council member, and citizen. (15) We must act now.

1

Sentence 3 needs to be revised for parallel construction. What is the most effective way to rewrite sentence 3?

A. These areas provide shade, cooling the air through evaporation, and people gather there.

B. These areas provide shade, cool the air through evaporation, and offer a place for people to gather.

C. Providing shade, these areas cool the air through evaporation and gathering places are offered.

D. These areas provide shade, they cool the air through evaporation, and offer a place to gather.

My Justification:

2

The writer wants to improve the diction in sentence 6. Which of the following is the best replacement for the words "really fast" and "a lot"?

A. They grow rapidly and provide significant environmental benefits.

B. They grow super quick and help the planet heaps.

C. They grow at a high velocity and do environmental stuff.

D. They grow exponentially and aid the environment in many ways.

My Justification:

3

What is the most effective way to combine sentences 4 and 5?

A. Some cities have even started planting "pocket forests" in tiny vacant lots, which are very small but very dense areas of trees.

B. Some cities have even started planting "pocket forests" in tiny vacant lots, they are very small but very dense areas of trees.

C. Because some cities have started planting "pocket forests" in tiny vacant lots, these areas of trees are small but dense.

D. Some cities have even started planting "pocket forests" in tiny vacant lots; very small but very dense areas of trees.

My Justification:

4

The writer wants to improve the organization of the second paragraph (sentences 7-11). Which transition word or phrase could be added to the beginning of sentence 11 to best improve the flow?

A. In contrast,

B. Furthermore,

C. Nevertheless,

D. For instance,

My Justification:

5

What is the most effective way to revise sentence 11 to ensure parallel construction?

A. Studies show that residents who live near parks have lower stress levels, improved physical health, and increased exercise habits.

B. Studies show that residents who live near parks have lower stress levels, their physical health is better, and more exercise.

C. Studies show that residents who live near parks have lower stress levels, improved physical health, and are likely to exercise.

D. Studies show that residents who live near parks have lower stress levels, physical health is improved, and they exercise.

My Justification:

6

Sentence 13 uses the word They. To improve clarity, what is the best way to revise this sentence?

A. Change They to Parks.

B. Change They to These green spaces.

C. Change They to Modern cities.

D. No change is needed.

My Justification:

Short Constructed Response

Prompt: Rewrite the second paragraph (sentences 7-11) to create a more formal tone and improve the clarity of the argument. You must use at least one dependent clause and ensure all lists use parallel construction.

Self-Check Checklist:

Used a dependent clause?

Formal tone/diction?

Parallel structure used?

Improved flow/organization?

Revision Blueprint

Revision Remix Worksheet

Revision Rescue Slides

Revision Guide Teacher Resource

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